One of the hard things about surviving abuse, be it mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, or a combination of those, is that it will shape the way you think and feel as you grow into adulthood. It will effect the way you have relationships, how you see others, and how you perceive others see you. You may not even be aware of the effects it still has over your life and relationships.
Commonly you might feel you have to downplay everything you’ve been through because you see other people’s trauma and experiences worse than your own. That’s a lack of self worth within you. You may have been beaten down so far that you feel you somehow deserved the abuse you went through. That you deserved the lack of love and empathy and that you didn’t (or don’t currently) deserve any love and empathy now.
You may feel like a fraud, a phony, that others won’t believe you and will turn away from you. That feeling comes from the experiences you had from your abusers and those who may have chosen not to acknowledge what you were, or are currently, going through.
Often times if we, those who have been through abuse and neglect, reach out or share we feel completely vulnerable. Feeling vulnerable can trigger the instincts you learned through abuse and cause you to lash out or retreat (fight or flight). When you’ve been through abuse and haven’t fully healed from it (yet) it can be hard to show others your broken pieces. You fear that they will reject you and let you down the same way your abusers did. You may even categorize people unknowingly, placing them in different mental places depending on how safe you feel with them. If you tend to overshare with others you may later be triggered and put everyone in the “not safe” category because you felt vulnerable from sharing.
One of the hardest parts of dealing with these tendencies is having the strong desires to connect with others but feeling as though everyone you try to connect with just doesn’t fit the bill. In one way or another they always end up letting you down. If you feel that way at times it might be from a lack of connection you had with a parent, one that was supposed to love and cherish you. That connection you are seeking is one of a child that loves, adores, and admires their parent but when that connection was never available you seek it in others. No matter how many times you say you wont put any hope in having a connection with newer people you meet it still happens. You have high hopes that these people will be different, that they’ll fill up that emptiness inside you. What next? Those people always let you down because you’re seeking to replace something lost from childhood. Wounds are left behind where love, affection, acceptance, and a deep connection should have been.
But I want you to know that you are loved. Jesus sees every broken piece inside you and He loves you. He won’t turn away from you if you’re seeking Him. He’s not ashamed of you. He already knows more about what happened to you than you know yourself.
He won’t hurt you.
Sometimes you might not understand the things He does, that they’re for your benefit. Sometimes those things can hurt but it’s not Him hurting you, you were already hurting (whether you could feel it or not), He’s just trying to get you through it to heal you and stop the pain.
Trust His process and dig into His word (the Bible). You may or may not know this already, but reading the Bible helps water your spirit. You may not always feel the effects of it right away and somedays think it didn’t help you but it waters and feeds your spirit. If your spirit is dry, turn to Jesus and read His word (I suggest starting in the New Testament). Even if you don’t always understand what you’re reading just keep going. He will open your understanding as time goes on and as needed.
But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.
John 4:14
There is hope and it’s through Jesus. He can heal you and help the pain if you are hurting. I know one of the hardest things for me was to let go of some of my distrust and choose to trust Jesus, His plan for my life, and this journey of healing. I had to intentionally choose to tell Him what I was feeling, which came up from past wounds, as I went. Every time I did that He helped me get through the feelings or took them away. I still have more in my life to be healed and set free from and I look forward to the positive change it will bring. I wouldn’t be here without Jesus Christ and my life would have been completely painful, desolate, and lonely. I would still be hoping and wondering if I could ever make something from my life and help others instead of being on a path to do just that.
I hope this post has helped some of you, even if giving you a better understanding of what it can be like to go through some of these things. If you feel led to reach out or would like prayer please do not hesitate to reach out in the comments or email SRbarnPrayerTeam@gmail.com
We’d be more than happy to pray for you.
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